if i fall; will you catch me ?

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`Eunice
`18
`15 sept 88
`Hardcorer
`N'Devils
`OSLE LiJiang
`NTU Archery

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Tuesday, February 28, 2006

8:27 PM

Age

Today, as I was returning home from school, I met my Dad at the lift. While climbing up the flight of stairs that leads to the lift, my Dad missed a step, stumbled, and almost fell down the stairs. He smiled and told me "Aiyah, old already la." It didn't occur to me that my Dad tumbled because he was old and missed the step. And suddenly, I thought. "How old is Dad? 50? Or more?" I'm 18 already. Which means Dad is like, (34+18) yrs old. Which is 52 yrs old. I wouldn't say it's old, but he isn't all that young either.

And today, my Grams asked me a weird question. She haven't been coming to my house for a few days (she usually comes everyday) and she asked "When I didn't come did you miss me?" and I went "Ya, got." Kind of. And my Bro was asking "Why didn't you ask me?" to which my Grams replied "Aiyah, you sure won't one.Everytime also go out. I come you also go out, I never come you also go out..." And she started talking about "When you were young... I took care of you..." and stuff like that. And when she left my house, I said Bye like usual. She didn't reply. My Mum thought she had left. My Bro who was locking the door for her asked "Why are you crying?" My Grams didn't reply and walked away. It occured to me that my Grams had been acting weird recently (since last week). Either she is in a bad mood and grumbles, or she acts weird like today.

Maybe it's just old age. You know, just you living on healthily when you see your relatives, your friends passing away one by one. And perhaps, in the quietness of her own home, (my Gramps is away in Genting to gamble) she starts thinking. "What if I die one day? Will my family miss me?" For a woman who's been a housewife almost all her life, her family is the next most important thing to her. (she treasures her life alot ya know.) So, with nothing to do at home, she starts thinking a little too much. It's never bad to plan, yea, but well, just take things as they come along? I hardly think she can do that though. She's one who's always so prepared.

I hate seeing my Grams cry. In my 18 years of life, I've only seen her cried twice. Once when her best friend/neighbour died of cancer. Another time at my Great-grandma's (her mum-in-law) funeral 2 years ago. I'm kind of glad I didn't see it today. Perhaps it's me being selfish, I just wanna retain the image of a perfect Grams I have. One who makes popiah and spring rolls and chicken rice, and caned me when I was little. Who cooks for me ever since I recognise her, who always nag at me. Who seem that she never scared of anything; cockroaches or the dark. Well, perhaps... perhaps, it's just another part of her I never saw.

* will you catch me?